Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
