your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
