awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
