he told me I talked like a deaf person
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
