if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
