I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
