i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
