Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
