I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
