I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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