You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
