Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
