I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
