that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
