YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
