Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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