There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
