if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
