Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
