So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
