So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
