I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
