Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
