i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
