addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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