VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
