I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
