I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
