I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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