haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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