Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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