I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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