I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I understand Curling. That high.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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