there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
