My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
