you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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