He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
