No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
