Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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