so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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