i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i think i just lost a toe
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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