her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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