I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
