I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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