I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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