Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
