I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
