I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
