Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
