I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
