I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
